Interestingly enough, a large majority of the population think office romances are not a good idea, which is not to say that two soulmates meeting by the watercooler can’t live happily ever after – but it’s not likely to occur often.
A survey conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management and CareerJournal.com asked some 1221 human resources managers and executives for their opinion on office romances. The response was overwhelmingly against, with some 81% of HR managers and about 76% of executives of the opinion that office romances spelled trouble for both parties involved.
Public displays of affection, gossip –both good and bad – further affect the situation, including the lovebirds’ attention to work. When there is a split, it can wreck morale for everyone around them, in addition to affecting their own work performance.
When the two people involved are Managers, they need to be mature enough to not let their romantic relationship interfere with their work – whether the romance blossoms or wilts. Managers need to set the example they want their workers to follow, and their behavior should always be exemplary. Managers with love-struck stars in their eyes, should ask themselves these questions before taking the dating plunge:
· Will you be able to separate your “office life” from your “private life”? Will your partner expect favors from you just because you are ‘partners’?
· Would it/could it be “business as usual” after a break-up? Can you honestly see yourself working and having to interact with the other Manager after a sour break-up? For example, does one Manager’s workplace success rely on the other Manager’s amenable assistance/cooperation?
· Some romances seem to work out for a while but sour when jealousy enters the picture – if one is promoted over another, or one is required to supervise the other. Are you and your ‘intended’ mature enough to work with that?
· Think about the ‘after hours’ conversations about your ‘day at the office’. Will you be peeved if the other manager withholds secrets or information from you? What if your partner is peeved because you are withholding information from them? Will this cause arguments?
· If your partner’s performance suffers at work, for whatever reason, will you be able to cope with the “talk” that invariably accompanies these situations? Can you maintain your professionalism while the love of your life is incurring slurs to their reputation?
· What if you split up? It is hurtful to have to see someone you ‘love’ who has dumped you, every day at the office – then watch as he/she flirts and gets on with their life.
· Or if you find yourself doing the breaking-up and the other person is clingy and refuses to let go. This can be embarrassing and awkward and isn’t very professional.
· You would do well to ask yourself before engaging in romantic interludes with fellow Managers, “Is this lust? Or is this love?” If it is lust, leave it alone!
All kinds of messy problems are created by relationships that have turned sour, and this is why some companies actually have an anti-dating policy. The thing is, they cannot implement it if it has not been made clear to every new employee who starts. Then there is the issue of what people do outside of working hours in their own time is their own business!
Romances can work with suppliers and other clients because you don’t actually work in the same company or building. The only problem to watch out for here is if after a split up, the two are required to communicate for business reasons and one of them is not mature enough to handle it. Again, this is an awkwardness that nobody needs.
Policy or no policy, office romances are inevitable, particularly between people who work closely together every day – it’s natural. Provided both are mature about it and discreet and keep their “romance” and romantic overtures for after business hours, and provided the company did not have a policy about employees dating, if the feelings are real, the romance will blossom anyway. It really depends on the people and the situation (and the company policy) - for some people, office romances are dangerous territory and for others, they can manage and remain professional and their work unaffected. Some couples choose to make sure one moves to a different department, or even work for a different company if their company has an anti-dating policy. There are lots of tricks people use to "get away with it".
The thing to remember is romance has no obvious place in business. If two mature people fall in love sincerely and they can maintain their professionalism in the workplace and keep their private life private, then why should they be deprived of the same blissful happiness that the rest of us enjoy?
(c) Terri Levine MCC, PCC, MS, CCC-SLP is CEO of Coaching Instruction, a Master Certified Coach, Public Speaker, and Author of “Stop Managing, Start Coaching”, "Work Yourself Happy", "Coaching for an Extraordinary Life", and “Create Your Ideal Body.
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