As we close the gap between physical, mental and emotional health, realizing that they all influence one another, it’s becoming more evident that attitude makes a difference. It isn’t so much what’s happening, as how we feel about what’s happening.
I’m reminded of a visit to my obstetrician some years ago, when pregnant with my second child and delighted. He told me how nice it was to have someone so happy in his office. “49% of my patients are pregnant and don’t want to be, and 49% aren’t pregnant and want to be.” So, the same news delivered, you should pardon the expression, brought different feelings.
Martin Seligman’s research on optimism has brought compelling evidence that a positive outlook influences our health. Optimists live 19% longer, are more immune to depression, recover better from heart attacks, and are more likely to reach their potential.
Optimism, the way he means it, is avoiding that downward spiral when something goes wrong. It means not taking a setback as personal, pervasive or permanent, i.e., so you lose a sale. It wasn’t due to your lack of skills, it won’t happen again, and it doesn’t reflect on your life or skills in general. It’s how you attribute bad things – and good, the converse being true. If something goes well, attribute it to something personal, pervasive and permanent. Makes sense, though it flies in the face of what many of us were “taught” as kids.
Now researchers have named another “attitude” that influences our health. Dr. Michael McCollough, of SMU in Dallas, and Dr. Robert Emmons, of UC at David, have been investigating the effects of faith, or gratitude on our sense of well-being. They conducted the Research Project on Gratitude and Thanksgiving.
Their studies showed that people who recorded things they were grateful for during the day reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. In addition, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. They were also more likely to feel loved. You can see that attitude of gratitude set into motion a positive and happy feedback loop. They also discovered gratitude operated independently from faith, and was beneficial on its own.
Here are some ways you could put this into action in your life. They remind you and others to become more mindful about what you’re paying attention to, what you’re choosing to focus on, what you’re choosing to ignore, what you say to yourself in your own mind, and what you verbalize to others. All these things can have an important impact on your day.
· At work, suggest at meetings, or around the watering hole that each person mention something that’s gone well that day.
· Start a journal yourself of things you’re grateful for each day.
· Suggest to your partner that when you get home at night, you’ll each mention the good things that happened that day, before the bad, along with the bad, or in place of the bad.
· Start training your children to talk about the good things that have happened. When you child laments, “I didn’t do well on the spelling test today,” ask them to name something they did do well at.
· Have a regular time for the family to express gratitude.
· Express your gratitude to the people at work who help you or makes things run more smoothly.
But don’t stop with these ideas. Discuss this concept with your colleagues, employees and family. Ask them for suggestions. When we take part in the planning and figure things out, we’re more invested.
No matter how “bad” you think your day has gone, there are dozens of things that go well. Burning the dinner amounts to an hour’s worth of time, while you successfully completed the grocery-shopping, found a parking place, cleaned the kitchen, found the perfect gift for your mother-in-law, read to the children, and many other things. You may have failed to get a donation from a certain donor, but you engaged some new volunteers, organized your office filing system, got a call from the press, got a grant accepted, and got a compliment from your boss on how well things were going.
When we focus only on what goes wrong, we magnify it way out of proportion. From the minute you wake up in the morning feeling good and having a house and food on the table, to the time you tuck the children in bed at night and crawl into the clean sheets with your honey, there is much to be grateful for.
Focusing on the positive, and being grateful for what goes right, feels good, works out, and succeeds can make your day go a lot better – and possibly affect your health as well.
Susan Dunn is a professional coach who specializes in emotional intelligence for individuals and businesses, with applications to all areas of your life.
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