A sudden disability can be life altering. How you react to it can mean the difference between a bitter or a positive acceptance of your new situation.
When your entire world is turned upside down, it can be difficult to see any positive aspects at all, as I was to find.
Loss of Independence
I had lost an income, my independence, my confidence and initially my security. Our lifestyle had to change and we had to make many adjustments, including a move from our home of 3 years to something more affordable.
We searched high and low for a property that would suit both our budget and my new mobility requirements. In frustration at the lack of progress, we were taken to view one particular house, which we had initially discounted. That day was to be a turning point for me.
The Garden
The first time I saw the garden, I knew it would be beautiful again. I think I saw it as a symbol of my disability and myself. Like me, the garden wasn’t working in places; there were pockets of the past that needed to go. And yet there were other areas where the brief spark of what it once was shown through; a flower here, a graceful bough there.
The garden, having begun her “proper” life was much older and wiser than I was; she had seen more life than I ever would. By the time I was born, she was already into her 40th year. Yet, here she was, on her 87th birthday in very much the same position as me – not blooming as she was meant to bloom, worn out, in need of some TLC and not quite knowing where she was going next. Both of us needed a good overhaul.
I initially viewed the garden as I had done with so many things in my life. I actually imagined I could have it back to her flourishing self within 3 months! It was the same for my disability. All along, I had expected that I would wake up one morning and miraculously be as I was 2 years ago.
The Morning Of Realization
On that morning I finally did wake up, but it was with the realization that both projects were going to take infinitely longer than I had anticipated. In some ways, I think that morning was a turning point for me. My rehabilitation was going to take time and so, too, would the garden’s transformation.
A new kind of patience was born within me. I decided that for once, I would do it properly. Perhaps this is what had been intended all along – that I learn how to actually live life, rather than getting it over and done with as quickly as possible. The same would be true for the garden. I would plan her debut, slowly and meticulously. I would ensure that her very foundations were sound, the soil in perfect condition and the flora that would adorn her would be exactly right.
For me. I would take my steps, one at a time, starting with acceptance, then building on that. I would ensure that I had all the right foundations and equipment to arm me properly for a new existence. I would stop and smell the roses.
Destiny
The garden bonded to my spirit and together we would heal. Every inch would be cleared, tended and re-born. The lonely path leading down to an abyss of weeds and neglect would become a winding, glorious doorway into a secret, yet exciting future.
I wheeled myself onto the patio, turned back and looked on my destiny. “Tomorrow, we begin.
Kailah Eglington, disabled in a life altering accident in March 2000, is a writer, designer and photographer. Being housebound until recently, she learned web design and launched Kailah's Korner in January 2002, an e-zine in celebration of being a woman.
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