None of us operates in a vacuum. Other people play important roles in our lives and in our businesses. We cannot fully succeed unless we manage these relationships in a way that helps us move toward our goals.

Of course, the people you deal with have goals, too. Clearly, one of the keys to a productive relationship is learning to create situations that benefit all parties. Throughout the 1980s, as the Information Age expanded, a new model of individual behavior emerged, characterized by a fiercely independent frame of mind. During that time, people learned to achieve goals through manipulation and intimidation.

Now, modern entrepreneurs recognize the wisdom of working interdependently. The accelerating pace of change and explosive proliferation of information have created a situation where no one person can keep up without enlisting the support and help of others. In today's market-place, you have to be skilled in negotiating the terms of interaction between yourself and your clients, colleagues or staff.

The Law of Reciprocity says that Like generates Like. From this principle comes a radically new concept of winning: Winning and Losing do not have to go hand-in-hand. Who says that there must be a loser just because there is a winner? With some effort and creativity, you can orchestrate a situation so all parties can win. The fundamental premise of this philosophy is called Win-Win. Win-Win is the highest form of reciprocity to which we can aspire.

Win-Win negotiation is essential when:

• Building long-term relationships
• The results are likely to be public knowledge.
• Tension exists between the participants.
• You want to take advantage of the synergy gained from collaborative effort.

Trained Win-Win negotiators conduct themselves according to the behavior appropriate to a Win-Win approach. They are assertive rather than aggressive, creative versus antagonistic, even if the other person is not willing to cooperate.

The skilled Win-Win negotiator focuses on the issues involved and doesn't allow personalities to get in the way. If your negotiating partner resorts to personal attacks or makes outrageous demands, you can bring his behavior under control by maintaining control of your own. The wise negotiator keeps cool under all circumstances.

Here are the key behaviors essential to a Win-Win negotiation:

• Be Flexible
  Start your negotiations with specific objectives, but don't draw a "line in the sand". Have the confidence to adjust your end game as you learn what the other person wants.
   
• State Your Objectives Up Front
  Ask the other person to describe their desired end result of the negotiations. The idea is not to achieve your objectives OR their objectives. The purpose of Win-Win negotiation is to have both of you working together to discover ways to achieve your objectives AND her objectives.
   
• Use "AND" Thinking
  Determine if it is possible to achieve both sets of objectives as they stand. If not, identify the common ground in both objectives.
   
• Concentrate On Reasons, Not Positions
  When you have a difference of opinion, find out the reasons behind the differences. Attacking the differences is a recipe for deadlock, hard feelings and anger. Skilled Win-Win negotiators explain their reasons for a position and question the other person to discover the thinking behind his or her position.
   
• Search For Options
  Concentrate on creatively generating solutions, ideas and possibilities that fit the objectives of both parties. Take advantage of the creative power of two-heads-better-than-one.
   
• Trade Concessions
  Don't donate them. If you are asked to make concessions from your ideal objective, ask the other person to offer something in return. Say "If I do that for you, will you do this for me?"
   
• Do Your Homework
  The key to effective negotiation is preparation. What can you learn in advance about the other person's desired objectives, the current situation, preferences and negotiating style? How well have you specified your objectives, your bargaining chips and your bottom-line?
   
• Develop the Shopping List
  Before you start bargaining, obtain a list of issues that your negotiating partners want to bring up. Be sure to articulate your own list so you can start the bargaining with a complete list of all the issues to be negotiated. This will help prevent new issues from being introduced all along the way.
   
• Keep a Written Record of Progress
  As you come to agreement on each issue, write it down. This will help maintain forward momentum.
   
• Make the Most of Your bargaining Chips
  Identify those concessions you are willing to make that have a low cost to you and that are important to your negotiating partner. When you offer such concessions, remember to ask for something you want in exchange.
   
• Slow Down
  Don't respond to pressure or urgency by making snap decisions. Take a break to give yourself time to consider the ramifications of your next actions. Never give away anything when you do not fully understand the consequences.
   
• Encourage Creativity
  Use words like "What if we...", "What about...", Would this...?" Draw ideas and pictures on a large paper or flip chart. Occasionally, stop the bargaining to do some brainstorming together, then resume the negotiation. Remember that many issues being negotiated are intangible. Time, service, quality and commitment are important issues for negotiation. The value placed on each facet of these intangibles is hard to see, touch and measure. Every person puts different weight and value on these issues that make up much of our negotiations.

Gary Lockwood is Your Business Coach. Increasing the Effectiveness and Enhancing the Lives of CEOs, business owners and professionals. Get Gary's Free BizSuccess newsletter at his website below
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